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This man knew I was a sex worker. It says so, right in my Bumble profile: retired media whore, current actual whore. He had even commented about it, using the words every woman longs to know from the romantic interest:’Haha, nice 😉 ‘. And yet I watched as his face contorted in to an expression of disgust, his upper lip curling as the reality of my profession came crashing down around him just like a tonne of bricks.
“That is a lot,” he explained, and then he rolled to his back and stared at the ceiling. I didn’t hear from him again.
It often surprises people to know that sex workers do a variety of normal people activities, like working other jobs, נערות ליווי studying, taking the bins out. We exist in actuality after our shifts end and the red light is flicked off; we have dinner with this families and נערת ליווי shop at K-Mart and wait on hold with our online sites providers for what feels as though hours.
It’s not common that the physical and emotional experiences we have at work could be enough to replace a potential lack of intimate connection in our lives beyond work; so most of us also date, with varied levels of success.
A couple of months ago, I ended a connection with a person I had been seeing for pretty much two years. In private, he was a huge supporter of me working, but around his colleagues and friends his tune appeared to change. He would introduce me, but hesitate in describing our relationship; when he explained, “This really is Kate…” the silence that hung in the space where, “…my girlfriend,” should have already been weighed a tonne.
I don’t genuinely believe that he personally had a trouble with me being truly a sex worker, but I actually do feel that the likelihood of other folks judging me – and then judging him for being with me – was enough to create him want to keep me a secret.
So I’ve recently downloaded some dating apps and put myself back on the proverbial market, but it’s tough. Along with all the current usual questions one ponders before a date (What do I wear? Where shall we go? If you have any issues regarding exactly where and how to use נערות ליווי, you can speak to us at our own internet site. ) I find myself asking things like, “At what point do we’ve the talk?”
The talk in which I clarify my job, re-explain my profession in case my date didn’t read my Bumble bio, forgot what it said, or – worse – thought it was a joke. Do I tell him as soon as we meet, or before we say goodnight? Or do I throw it out at random on the span of the evening: “Wow, this wine is delicious. By the way, I’m a hooker. Pass the salt?”
The greatest dream scenario is that my date is supportive, and happy that I’ve found a type of work that I like and supports me financially. Unfortunately, it has only happened once – once! – so today, I find that a lot of responses fall somewhere within abject fascination and outright objectification.
Sometimes I end up on the receiving end of a lot of rapid-fire questions (“What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever done at work? Perhaps you have had a celebrity client? Are the inventors all old and ugly? They’re not, like, normal guys like me, are they?”) which surpasses horrified silence, but leaves me feeling like I’ve just been interviewed for an hour.
Other times, my date can barely contain their disgust, quizzing me over and once again about how precisely frequently I get my sexual health checks done and if I’m sure I’m not a carrier of some mutant strain of gonorrhoea.
“That’s all well and good,” one man said, over coffee, “But obviously in the event that you went with me, you’d have to get a real job. And you couldn’t tell anyone we know that you used to work.” You must probably Google me before you receive too attached to that particular idea, I desired to sneer.
Needless to say, even the crudest line of questioning is a better case scenario compared to very real threat of violence that numerous sex workers face when speaking about their job. I have friends who have been followed home and stalked by men who couldn’t understand just why their date with a sex worker didn’t end with a romp, and others who have had partners appear at their work in a spontaneous fit of jealousy, viciously demanding they empty their locker and return home with them immediately.
And even that’s better than the chance of physical violence from an intimate partner. I once continued a date with a person who invited me as much as his bedroom, held me down as he initiated sex without a condom, and then read one of my very own articles, about sex work, out loud in my experience as I lay silently close to him.
Dating isn’t simple for anyone. Even the act of having to distil your entire person directly into a quick and snappy paragraph fit for a dating app will do to make anyone want to purge their hands and נערות ליווי surrender to a life of solitude.
Still, I believe in love, and I am aware from past experiences that relationships – when they’re good – are worth every struggle.
On the occasions when it’s all a lot of, I find myself thankful for the easy, stress-free nature of transactional sex. An hour on the clock and a peck on the cheek to state a fond goodbye until the next occasion: if only finding love was as simple.